After last night I feel ok this morning. I’m kind of tired. I drank an iced coffee, 2 diet cream soda Dr. Peppers and a cup of black tea. But my anxiety is ok. I just feel bad about last night and I’ve been helping around the house and stuff instead of cooped up reading. I’m trying to deal with my thoughts instead of bottle them up and ignore them through distraction. I think my mom feels bad too because she’s offered to get carry out tonight which we haven’t done in a long time and she said it’s her treat. I called her out in some texts and I said she missed a lot of stuff when I was a kid. With my brother too. But these feelings and thoughts I had just built up for so long and I don’t think I ever properly discussed them with my therapist. So with everything I am currently dealing with, I just blew up. I’ve never thrown anything since I was a kid. Plus the extra Geodon and the 2 mil of Xanax after weren’t good either.

But I did apologize and I’m trying my best today.

I was in the car at the hardware store waiting for my mom and some dude try’s to open the side door. I’m like “wtf?” But not alarmed. Then he tried the passenger door and then looked and saw me and was really embarrassed and said “sorry” my mom had come out by that time and set the car alarm off at him to scare him away. I figured he had just mixed up the cars. He then came around his car and rolled down his window and apologized and said the cars looked the same. Which they didn’t really but they were the same color.

My mom was more freaked out then I was who just brushed it off.