So Sorry that you're hurting. Sometimes there may be no easy explainations for how things turn out in our own Lives. i can't provide answers but i Hope you will find Support here. Please do not give up. You matter. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @SarahSweden, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!