I have this underlying anger today, i am realizing some things, a few patterns in me that were keeping me stuck. I saw how my dad was manipulating into making me this passive person who accepts being put down and doesn't fight back. Fighting back is contra-intuitive to me, because i was the peacemaker in my house. I was the one who was making sure that no conflict occurs in our house. I was foolish enough to try and save their broken marriage. I thought that by doing everything right, no conflicts would occur.
I am currently trying to heal from these ideas and i should stop avoiding conflicts like the plague.