I am haunted by a repetitive nightmare from childhood, at times. And today, 68, I feel as if I am ever on the edge of things, looking in...even when (even more?) with my children and grandchildren. What I feel does not match the actual experience---what is is better than what I feel---but right now, for a while anyway I haven't been able to get out of the thought-eddy for any amount of time...I never fit in anywhere, even when I was considered an asset and a friend, even then there was something 'different'. Lately, I am sad with the banality of my dreams...they used to be interesting, comforting...
(minus the nightmare) ...now anxieties and regrets play out, nothing dramatic just sad I wish I was my cat right now, chasing its tail, grooming. I say that but doubt I mean it. It feels sad but better than not to vent...