It's not about shame, I don't think, it's physical things, like he can't wrap both around me, less energy for spending the whole day out and about. I understand why he wasn't talking care of himself, he got a divorce, got depressed, started drinking again after 16 yrs sober, really didn't care about living or dying. Then he got sober a few years ago, the depression worsened having these feelings he hadn't worked though since childhood.

And me? In the last 5 years I've been working on my perception of myself. My weight we a huge issue for me and I tried lots of things trying to get past my plateau point, where I'm at now. I have a hormone problem that contributes to weight gain, plus have had some kind of major surgery on my ankle or lower back at least once a every year for the last 21 years (was in an accident), and am laid up 6-12 weeks each time, each time muscles I worked hard on all year, atrophy duting that time. Harder and harder to get it back each time. Plus, as long as I don't look like a bum, I get "that look" or comments from guys often, which helped me realize I'm not as ugly as I thought.