I know exactly what you mean (((((((((((((((((((( BrownEyedGirl )))))))))))))))) been there....done that (previous marriage).

Depending on the spouses...if we are living with abuse of any kind, then a lot of it comes down to feeling inadequate and small, responsible, guilty and scared to death about the unknown.

If our spouses don't give a rats butt about how we feel when they treat us a certain way....that speaks volumes! And yet we sit there and take it....they have been able to weave the seeds of self doubt and guilt long before we have gotten to the point of realizing where we are in the relationship.

We are scared of leaving....where will we go, how will we survive, what about the kids, what about us?? Staying in the situation...at least we know what to expect....leaving...we have no clue what to expect. As the saying goes, better the devil you know than the devil you don't??

I think the biggest thing in my abusive marriage was that I had to feel in my heart that I had done everything I possibly could to make things work. It took a long time to realize in my heart that I was fighting a loosing battle, that I had the right to take care of myself. Once I realized it....I had the courage to take the steps to protect myself and my kids and move on. It wasn't real easy, but then again...staying wasn't easy either.

I could say I regret those wasted years....but I don't look at them as wasted years. As much as it was painful and difficult, it taught me so very much about life, alcohol, abuse, strength, logic, faith, love of self and I could go on and on. I could be bitter and feel cheated.....but I don't. I feel I had lessons to learn and I did just that....learned my lessons....took a negative and turned it into a positive.

I hope you can find some peace and strength soon to do whatever it is you feel you need to do. I wish you well hon.


sabby