Thanks, I think I'll probably ask my Pdoc to let me try bupropion while I'm waiting for the ECT intake. Sounds like my best shot would be to start with 150mg IR, hoping that that won't affect sleep too much if I take it in the morning? I'm always really nervous about new meds, and I'm kind of worried because bupropion is "partly" metabolized by the same enzyme that metabolizes Seroquel, of which I know I don't have much. I wonder what happens if "part" of the drug builds up over time... Also kind of worried about the interactions between bupropion and Seroquel because apparently taking the two together can increase the risk of seizures. I don't want to stop taking Seroquel right now, though, because I know how fast my depression will worsen again. Will have to ask my Pdoc about that.

I've never heard about ECT changing personality, only cognitive and memory issues which are supposed to be transient. That's what the information brochures say. I know those issues can be permanent, but in most cases they're supposed not to be. But I have met some Pdocs as well who seem to be really scared of ECT. In my opinion there's kind of a double standard there. They act like ECT is the most dangerous thing ever, but then they hand out meds like it's nothing, even though in many cases those meds have (in my opinion) even scarier side-effects, and they can potentially damage your entire body.

I hope it's not that the whole hierarchy is resisting me; so far it's only been the one hospital that's rejected me, and there was just a major clash of personalities there. The doctors being intensely arrogant and wanting no patient involvement, and me insisting on being kept in the loop. When I eventually got very very angry about them leaving me in the dark all the time, that culminated in them labeling me with "personality issues" and using that as a reason to claim that ECT wouldn't help, even though their own examination (which was performed by their clinical psychologist, with who I got along fine) determined that I have no "personality issues" at all. But they even went so far as to claim that the fact that I did get along with their psychologist was further evidence of "personality issues," because apparently the fact that I got along with her but not with them meant that I was "splitting." My regular Pdocs say that they've never found any evidence of me having personality problems, and they say I was right to be angry, but never mind that because apparently when you're a Pdoc and you don't like a patient, you can just make **** up. Anyway, that was about four months down the drain right there.

I'm now at the second hospital, and they have no problems keeping me in the loop, but I'm still just waiting and haven't spoken to the ECT people in person yet. So I don't actually know that they'll resist me, it's just that I'm terribly scared it will be a repeat of that first awful hospital. I can't stop worrying about that, and at times it feels like a certainty in my mind that they're not going to help me, either, and I'll be left depressed with no hope of ever getting better. I hope it's just the depression talking...