I said a prayer for you MimiBhaduri and others like you stuck in abusive situations. The painkillers and benzos (I still take a benzo occasionally and when I have been prescribed painkillers, I finish the bottle, in part, because they do feel good short term so I know from experience) help us feel better in the short term but actually make us less able to cope longer term if we get in a situation where we are using them all of the time. So I said a prayer that you could also escape your addiction to them if you are using them to cope with the emotional (rather than physical) pain. IMO, using painkillers to deal with our emotions is how we get addicted--don't know it this is happening to you but I just wanted to put it out there for your information. And I do understand you are in a hopeless situation that makes it tempting to use because you need comfort from intense anxiety and pain. Emotional pain can be worse than physical pain. Do you have physical pain too?