I get frustrated in wanting others to understand how hard it is for me, how much work it can be when I get triggered and that it's not a question of making a conscious decision to experience a trigger. Yet, at the same time I know that had I not experienced this challenge first hand, I would not understand it either. And even when someone tries to learn about a MI challenge, it doesn't mean that person is going to suddenly understand it the way the person suffering wishes they would.

What stood out to me @Werewoman is that even though you got so triggered, you managed to get it under control. That's progress rather than carrying that anger and resentment for days or weeks on end. When I saw your thread title and then read what you shared, honestly, I know that question very intimately "when do you say enough?". I began to understand what you wanted too. I know how that goes as well. Sometimes even trying to spell it out for another person doesn't work. And it can turn into the kind of response that makes it harder, you know what I mean, one of those "just" responses that never helps one iota.

Yes, you are right about how many things a couple has to learn about through 30 years of all kinds of things that come into their lives. There certainly is a lot of gray isn't there? And sometimes there is a "thing" that a partner never seems to get. That's especially challenging when it comes to battling a MI. I know what you wanted, that certain freedom to do something big for yourself and be able to enjoy it instead of having that turn into some kind of "kill joy". It's actually amazing how far back that can go for someone. Sometimes there can be "a thing" that has power over a person that they don't really choose, it's just there in the subconscious mind that is wrapped in confusing emotions.

One movie I think was amazing for it's time and what was known at the time about MI was "The Snakepit". Without using the labels we have now, so much was revealed in that movie and the patience the psychologist had to help the main charector figure out "why" she was struggling so badly that she could not function. He finally helped her figure out "the thing" she carried that could cripple her that she was not aware of.

I wanted to focus more on "the thing" that upsets you. And your husband doesn't understand, and he can get triggered and frustrated, but he does love you and tries. This "thing" is so hard to put into words, but the feeling it causes can be intense, even crippling, much like in that movie that slowly unfolded to where this woman could finally see what it really was. And medications only help so much, often "the thing" has a lot of power and often the medication helps reduce the impact of whatever it might be until we can sort through it and then work on healing and controlling it better.