Quote:
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I am trying to compose an email to her, but I'm so angry and scared that the email is all jammed up in my mind. I want to just blast at her, but I'm trying to make reasonable sense. I feel so angry! The same damn feeling I have throughout my entire life - that I always come last. It's really a pattern.
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Change the pronouns from her to you and this seems like an excellent starting point for your email. I try and focus less these days on sounding coherent or fluent and focus more on writing out the unfiltered and often ill-formed feeling. Sometimes I just list or repeat words and I don't even form sentences.
This sounds like such a frustrating and painful pattern for you - not least because it repeats both with her and on a more universal scale throughout your life. I guess the value would be in working through this with her ... except that becomes nonsensical if she is frequently absent.