So I had a session with my T on Saturday. We talked about a lot of stuff. Everything from the paranoid thoughts I was having last week (which she wasn't too helpful about because she said you already figured out you were paranoid so there's nothing for me to do). How about help me for next time? And being lonely in childhood and socially behind. To my possible upcoming test at the doctors . She was like how come you've never had one. I said I started one once with another doctor, freaked out, had a panic attack and she didn't finish the exam. Since then I've basically avoided the whole thing. My doctor goes back and forth on whether or not I need one but lately is back on the kick that I do.


Based on this conversation and who knows what else T tells me she suspects I have a background of CSA. I must have looked skeptical. She said I know you don't remember anything but your reactions are just too big, too strong (which made me feel bad). She's like yeah, no one enjoys it but they get through it. Again, that made me feel bad.


I don't know if T's guess is correct or not. I don't remember anything like that. I wonder why she would bring that up. It's really messed with my head since Saturday. She said I can think she is crazy for thinking that but she said to bring it up to my GP/PCP (yeah right) and see what she says.


Ironically Pastor T told me the same thing about his suspicions. Because he says clinically I present like that. But I just thought he was off his rocker. T said I will remember when it is time for me to remember. Don't know what to make of that either.


How am I supposed to deal with this? How do I process this? It's just T's guess. But now I'm stuck dealing with it.