Hugs, Kit. It doesn't necessarily need to be CSA. So, I had both paternal and erotic transference for my marriage counselor. It really bothered me, not so much because I worried that what she suggested had happened, but that there may have been something wrong with me for having those feelings toward ex-MC if I hadn't had that experience. I mentioned it to both ex-MC and Dr. T at one point, and they disagreed with what she'd said.

I've also been told by both ex-T and Dr. T that I have many reactions that suggest childhood trauma (not necessarily CSA). In talking through things with Dr. T, I think that some of it stems from having generalized anxiety and OCD starting in early childhood. He said how those can be a form of trauma, or at least have similar effects, if it's chronic and if I didn't get help for it.

So it's entirely possible that your fear of that procedure stems from something else. Out of curiosity, have you undergone any other medical procedures (even something seemingly minor like a throat swab to test for strep throat) that felt really invasive? Just wondering if something like that could have traumatized you/made you feel violated, so this feels similarly.