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I'm a wreck and a mess. I feel like my mother this afternoon, except I'm not abusing anybody (except myself). I did email my therapist and let her know how upsetting it is when she repeatedly cancels a few hours prior to my session. I really believe that she thinks because we have a strong bond that I'll "understand." Wake up, lady, I wouldn't tolerate this from a friend - let alone from a therapist.
Trying to practice breathing and calm myself down, nothing seems to help much and I have a headache now. Advil and rock and roll might be just the thing...
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Ugh, i'm really spun out about this. Took a couple of Klonopins to try and calm myself - which makes me feel like a failure because I'm in the process of titrating down on K-pin, and because I'm not using "tools" well, the ones that are supposed to help me mellow out.
Dammit. I'm a failure today. It happens so easily. And it's not about BD, I don't think, it's about crappy highly dysfunctional environment childhood insanity.
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I feel self-destructive, like doing something really rotten. Like getting drunk. Except I don't like alcohol. I'd SH, but that doesn't seem helpful. I'd like to give my T a hard smack across the face.
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Last edited by *Beth*; Mar 01, 2021 at 05:58 PM.
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