So Sorry that you're experiencing this! i don't have a lot to suggest unfortunately outside of talking about this with your pdoc and with some Priest if you know any to better discuss your Faith in God. i Hope and Pray that you will be able to find your previous Faith! Please do not give up. You matter. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @rwwff, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!