I am sorry that you are facing this challenge and his behaviors have made you question your worth to the point of experiencing wanting to jump off a cliff. It sounds like he went from being in shock, to being in denial that things can be better to now being in the resentment and anger stage. We can say wise things as he had said, but unfortunately, that success did affect his ego and he was traumatized by the loss he experienced. We can often have the ability to be rational, yet, at the same time not be prepared for the gravity of the emotional affect a substantial loss can have. It's like being able to watch a movie showing loss and what it means and being able to rationalize it because it's someone else experiencing it. It's a very different story when one actually experiences it themselves. This has traumatized him and a major loss can have a really unexpected affect on someone.

Covid has damaged many people in significant ways for example, the mental health devastation has been substantial, so much so that there is a lot of confusion and a desire to find ways to allow businesses to open up again. Some people are able to thrive, but many are seeing what they had is slowly being destroyed. And it's been reeking havoc on marriages, there has been a substancial increase in divorce in the past year. For myself, what I did for my business was not allowed and yet I had financial responsiblities. Lots of people struggling out there and so many affected no matter what age a person is. If your husband has gone back for more education, a lot of that is happening remotely and they are finding out that is not working and many are not doing very well learning that way. It's definitely been bringing out the worst in many.

I am very sorry as your husband doesn't have the maturity to understand how to deal with all these challenges. He is trying to escape all the emotions he is experiencing and he doesn't even know how to articulate them. It tends to just come out in anger when that happens.

Do your best to try not to absorb and take his anger on where you feel you failed. When someone gets like this, it's something THEY need to get help for and work through. Your husband should be seeing a therapist to help him work through all of this. Often someone doesn't do that and insists on doing it themself and often feel no one can help them. This is not your fault, you did not fail.