Hi everyone! I started a new position Monday after doing freelance work for about a year.

The thing is... I am feeling SO much anxiety around my team assignment.

Brief History: I worked at a job I absolutely loved for 4 years. In the summer of 2019, I was promoted to run a newly formed department. Until then I worked with two other women (all of us are women of color), but one of them literally started TERRORIZING me after my promotion. Gossiping... back biting... creating cliques. It was AWFUL. I went to management and asked to be removed from the BUILDING that we worked in- giving up my beautiful office for a cube in the basement. My "battle cry" during that period was "I just want to do my job and be left alone". She would then find reasons to visit my new location.

After 9 months of this (she even took me to HR), I left the company.

I'll be honest... I struggle with other women of color. I think it goes back to not having women in my life until I was 9 and then having a WICKED stepmother. This workplace bully reminded me of her so much.

Well, my new position requires team assignments, and my entire team is women of color. I should feel a sense of pride, but I'm anxious. I find myself already "trying too hard" or not saying anything because I don't want to be misunderstood.

I haven't even given these women a chance. Is this PTSD or outright prejudice against "my own people"? If it's the latter, I'm disappointed in myself. I want to do a good job but NEVER want to go through that again.