AZ, I am sorry that you continue to feel all this pain. What stood out to me in what you just shared about your father and your younger brother is not anything done to you personally, but instead has caused you to feel a loss. Your mother did not intentionally do this to you, she was most likely exploring sexually 42 years ago, maybe drank too much and ended up getting pregnant and did not know who the father was and was too embarassed about that. Yet, she chose to go ahead and have you instead of terminate the pregnancy. There are ways now that you can learn who your father is by genetics.

Losing a sibling can be up there when it comes to trauma, but this is loss and not something you could have controlled or done to you to hurt you personally. However, with these life experiences you felt alone with how it affected you emotionally. It's as though no one cared about how YOU felt when things happened. This can cause someone to need more to feel a sense of purpose. It can cause someone to think that how they feel has no value. It's unfortunate, but that actually happens a lot in humanity. It's what can lead to someone becoming very vulnerable to being tricked and even spending money on fortune tellers. It can lead to all kinds of predatory tricks with some promise of seeing you in a SPECIAL way. Fortunes have been made on human misery.

Guess what, your wife is no exception to being vulnerable. While you feel she did this to you, that she failed you? Truth is she failed herself because she fell for someone's BS that has proven to work on individuals that are vulnerable. These perverts can get very good at drawing vulnerable people under their control. Your wife's biggest failure was that she was vulnerable. And 42 years ago your mother was naive and vulnerable and she did not tell you because she was ashamed and did not want you to know. Neither your wife or your mother can change what happened, all they can do is admit they made a mistake.

Trusting is always a challenge and a gamble. I think you are questioning your own value in this overall picture too. Our children do get to a point that they go off and live their own lives, and it's a good thing when they do that, you don't want them home and dependent do you? If they are trying to live their lives, it doesn't mean they stop caring you know. People often don't know your deep hurts, but they can feel their own hurts and inadequacies. It's part of being human, none of us are perfect.