I dont know who you are, yet I just want you to know that I understand you completly and God is the only thing that I can fully trust.
After medications and fustrations God gave me legal options and Marijuana is the only thing that has worked from time to time. Only some types have worked, some Indikas at certain times. Its the same as trying different chimical drugs.
Dont ever give up! never! Another factor that has helped me has been making peace with flashbacks of abuse as a kid, and not be ashamed. Iam a successfull professional, and bipolar will not defeat who I'm, and I believe that you can over come your situation as I share with a group of strangers such deep emotions.
I believe that most of my depressions have been from childhood, and upper manias are to make up for lost time.
My prayers are to all that suffer, and to find confort in whish ever works for you.
PS: Iwas actually able to live for a nice long year and a half with prayer as medication. Hope I can find it again, and you as well.