Like Soupe du jour, my illness is so serious that I must take meds to function. Like you, if I didn’t take meds it might be lethal due to the severity. That said, my pdoc and I have worked hard to find the lowest effective doses possible. My experience is that if you absolutely need meds to stay alive, you must come to terms with a fundamental existential question - do I make the best life that I can on the level of meds needed to be effective knowing that I will live, or do I court death by taking doses that are too low or taking none at all?

Once I answered that question for myself, acceptance followed and I began to build my new life. Bipolar can suck, but a lot of other things suck too! Perspective is difficult to achieve.