I'm sorry the T told you that. I don't think everyone goes around with such a heavy load of shame. If you are experiencing despair and emptiness that means the MDD and PTSD isn't better. Are you on any medications? That might help. Some people don't like meds. For me, they are a lifesaver. Literally. What about getting help outside of the VA? I saw former T for 10 years. I have seen current T 2.5 years. I have to pay for their services of course but I don't feel like I am being selfish or greedy. I have a crap ton of stuff to sort out and I need help. I hypothesize that you do too. And you deserve that help. HUGS Kit