I am so sorry you're going through all this. I feel your pain - it comes through in your posts and you express it well and clearly. I wish I had something magical to say to take away your pain. I'm not sure I do. But you deserve better than your therapist who doesn't show up. At the same time, if you are in the grips of depression and trauma, you may be seeing things up close in a certain negative slant. It makes sense and is completely valid how you feel though. I'm so sorry for your losses. Please let me know if there is anything I can say to ease your pain. You have my support.