I don't know how long someone can dissociate for. I'm sorry that you have been hurt (though not maliciously or on purpose) by this person. Breakups suck and hurt and there are myriad reasons why someone breaks up with another. Anyway, I'm sorry. It sounds like, like you said, she connects you with her traumatic abortion. And while you can't change how she feels, and you can't change her actions, you can control what you do in response. It sounds like you have compassion for her situation, and also feel sad that she has pretty much cut you from her life. It makes sense how you feel and of course, it hurts. Have you thought about trying to move on from her? Like send her your good thoughts, and just try moving on / letting go if her / saying goodbye (even just in a letter you don't actually send)? I'm not saying to "get over it." Because she likely will be a part of your memories and care. But it would be healthy for anyone in your situation to not dwell in wishing things were different, and to make their own happiness in life. When you are ready, make your own happiness. I wish you well.