I am so sorry you are going through this. It sounds painful. That said, I would be careful to distinguish the term disassociation from the terms deflection and blame. Disassociation involves rupture between the the physical self and physical reality. It can manifest itself by out of body experiences and extended periods of being removed psychologically from your physical surroundings. It sounds like she may be deflecting her pain and denying her decision making onto you to protect herself from confronting her own decisions. If this is the case, I can only recommend that you begin to move on. You cannot control someone else's denial process. It may last far longer than you might like. I am so sorry you are dealing with this situation.