I said good by to my dog, holding him not 3 feet from where he was born. He was the child I could never have for all of his 12 years. Especially after months of comfort care, so much of me was with him, and died with him. How could I not be prepared for that, when I've been there before? How could I not know how much of myself he gave me? Why is this surprising? I deeply grieve for him, for my lost self. The claws of my depression knead me, take my breath, my patience, my body. I will survive this. I miss hugs more than anything.

I come here when my life is dark. thank you.