I yelled at my Dad, or rather cried. I was hurt that he doesn't respond well if he is busy. I'm tired of sneaking around and holding his I feel inside. It felt weird to let it out. Then my mind told me I shouldn't have said any of what I said. I called my t, partly because I was sui. A lot has happened. Now I have 6 hours to calm myself and avoid my dad. He doesn't like to be bugged and acts like the dead is important than the living. It's bugged me all my life and I have felt like I don't mean much so, I hid, stuffed down all that I could and became confused after a three week trip where he wasn't on the computer looking up dead people. I felt cared for, then it went back to normal and I began to hate life and have been hiding and seeking a way out from the misery. I'm 33, living with my parents and I need my own place. I need to feel whole and not like I'm worthless.

After I was through and he looked at me confused and angry. I'm not sure who he was mad at, or if it was because he didn't know how to handle what he was feeling. All I know is he is passive and odds are high that he won't say anything after what happened. Which could hurt even more.

I'm sitting in my car, in front of where my mom works, and staying to cry because of how much pain I'm in and terrified at what could happen.