I am coming up on 5 years of marriage and 7 years of dating my wife. I am 45 years of age. I have a job that I like a great deal. She and I are in the same line of work. She has been diagnosed with OCD (major), Borderline Personality Disorder, Anxiety, PTSD and Depression. She's great about packing lunches and handling my food things for me, she doesn't cheat, she lives a clean life, hard working. Her friends love her, her huge family loves her.


The challenges are:
* Everything has to be her way. She's very rigid.
* She's very knee-jerky kind of person. I am deep thinker and if I ask her a question, I often get impulsive, shallow responses.

* She struggles with being honest. If I ask her a question, she lies about 80% of the time.
* She's apathetic when it comes to emotions. Her affect is often flat and she speaks very monotone and looks to be devoid of emotion.

* She does not consider me. I can't tell you the amount of scenarios in which she forces things to go her way without thinking about how things impact me. When I say something, she apologizes, says she will change and does it again.

* She dislikes my son. My son is wayward to say the least. She has good reason not to like him but he's still my son. My son has moved out to live with his mother largely because of his dislike for her and he says she's not good for me.

* When I am depressed, she often looks at me without emotion and sometimes ignores me.

* We sleep in separate rooms for over 3 years and we have a sexless relationship over the last month.

* I have choosen to detach from her emotionally, I don't like her touching me, I don't touch her. When I try and be the opposite so that I can make the relationship better, I just feel so empty and sad inside because she's so comulsive, hurtful, insconsiderate, shallow.

I am with her because I don't like the idea of her being with someone else and because I have no friends. The one friend I have only sees me on his terms. I have to go to his house to see him. If I don't, we don't spend time.


I hate my life, I have tried ssri's and other prescrptions but the side effects are too problamatic. My job is the only thing work living for. I consider myself a recovering codependent. I ask her to be nice to me and she responds with a robotic, flat look.


When we used to have sex she would walk in the bedrooms with two face clothes, she would bend over and make no sounds or contact with me. She tells me instructions of how she wants me to have intercourse with her. When I finish, she tosses me a face cloth takes one for herself and then goes and wash. When she is done washing, she asks me if she needs anything then she goes in her room and sleeps.


I want to leave so bad I just have nothing else to live for. We have a weekday routine of dinner together, talk about work and watch a show. She also helps me with ideas at my job. The weekends, we usually run errands, buy things, go out to eat. I am starting to ramble. I want out of this marriage so bad I just have nothing on the other side. I tried making friends and it doesn't work. I am black living in a very white place. I am not saying people are racist, I am saying I don't have much in common with people or I just get in my head. Plus it's hard for guys in their mid 40s to make friends with each other. When I talk to people my mind races with bad thoughts, and self-conscious thoughts so much that I rather just withdraw and go inward. I would never kill myself but I wish the pain would end. Helpful suggesitons would be greatly appreciated. I just don't know what to do. I've read countless books, I am incounseling we have tried couples counseling. In couples counseling, she's a different person. She talks about how bad she is and how good I am and how she will change but when counseling is over she's goes back to doing what she always does.