Ugh. I couldn't sleep last night. This morning I am sure that no one likes me, I am stupid and I am going to be alone forever. So.

I haven't felt like this for a really long time. I'd reach out to my t to see if she could fit me in sooner but...see above. Plus a good dose of "I should be able to handle this on my own by now."

I think if she said a perfectly reasonable "my schedule is full and I don't have any openings" it would just make it worse, so best leave it.

I can hear our next conversation now...
Me: I thought about calling you.
T: It's okay to ask for help.
Me: Nope. No, really not.
(Obviously we've been here before.)

On the bright okay-to-ask-for-help side, I hired someone to deep clean my house because work-grad school-teens-life means that I actually need help. And just gritting my teeth and toughing it out doesn't get my house cleaner. So, yay me. They're coming tomorrow.