Hugs, WFS. I'm sorry you're struggling. I think it's OK to reach out to your T. But it's also good you realized that if she said she didn't have any openings, it would make it worse.

Dr. T used to generally be available for earlier/extra sessions (like with <24 hours notice), and when I asked for one about a month ago (on my birthday, no less), he said he didn't have anything available, and it sort of crushed me. He ended up adding an extra slot for me in the end, which I really appreciated (but felt guilty for making his workday longer). But then another time recently I asked for an earlier appointment, and he didn't have one. I felt at that time I couldn't push, because I'd just gotten one recently. So I worked through it and was OK. But now I feel very reluctant to ask for an earlier or extra session again, as the rejection was painful when I'm used to his having openings (he generally keeps a fairly relaxed/open schedule, but he's recently taken on a heavier caseload due to need/demand from the pandemic).

I'm glad you asked for help in the deep cleaning area though. I'd like to ask for that, but fear a housecleaner would take one look at the house and run in horror...