I understand. When there is not a lot of chaos distracting me, I have to sit with myself. Until I got a good therapist, that was unbearable. I say the right therapist because I was with a therapist for almost 2 years who could not help me. I had to sink into a deep depression in order to make changes in my life. I had to feel like it was the end and I had nothing to lose to try to find something else. I got very lucky to find a psychiatrist who prescribed the right meds, and a therapist who was experienced in childhood trauma. Facing that stuff with a therapist has helped me to let go of a lot of it. He is also very into meditation. Sitting with myself has gotten easier.

I hope you can get ok with being alone with yourself. It is very hard. It can cause us to create problems to distract us. You may want to read some from Pete Walker. Check out Petewalker.com. He helped me a lot when I was starting my therapy. Hugs!