Sorry, this is going to be a long one.
So I am having an unusually hard time lately, pretty much since covid started. A bit of history about me: Female, First words at around 2 years old. Selectively mute as a toddler-preschool and stuttered when I did talk. Trouble making friends throughout my whole life, has gotten more difficult as I get older. Currently 21 y/o, at collage, unable to make a single friend. Diagnosed with anxiety (GAD and Social anxiety), depression, and an eating disorder at 17, but have had anxiety my whole life, and depression and ED since about 14. Also learning disorder of slow processing speed diagnosed at 14.
Right now I am having a hard time with feeling overwhelmed and it is making it hard for me to do my school work. I get to the point that I am so stressed that I shut down and don’t care about what I need to do. I used to be such a perfectionist in high school and had to do everything to the very best of my ability and I would get upset if I did not get a good grade. Now I am just unable to make myself do my work. It is kind of like if I ignore it, it is not there.
Anyway, I am just having a hard time with figuring out what is up with me. I have been trying to look online to see if there is anything that could be it (I realize the internet is not the same as going to the actual doctor). It just makes me feel better to have an Idea of what things are. I came across an article about autism in females being different than in boys, which is what the DSM is based off of. I do not think some of the classic symptoms of autism the DSM lists quite describe me accurately, but the various things I have read about autism in females sounds quite like me. I do want friends and to fit in, but I am uncomfortable doing things women my age typically do and some of those things do not make any sense to me. I feel I am emotionally younger than my actual age and I physically look like I am 14 not 21. I hate crowds, certain smells and I will flinch at sudden loud noises, but I do not show that I am upset. Most of the time I never let on what is actually going on when I am upset. I have been developmentally delayed my whole life. I am very passive and like to be alone. I do have strong interests but I do not really share them with anyone, I just keep them to myself. I get stressed when things happen that I am not expecting (ex: I get super upset when I am driving and have to take an alternat route because of an accident or construction, because I always take ethe same route). I have trouble saying what I want to, like I will say something but it does not come out right and I do not quite say what I mean.
There is more, I just dot want to write more than I already am. So after looking at may reputable articles and websites, I have found that a lot of what they say about female autism sounds like me. But I do not know if it is actually what is going on and I do not want to tell anyone cuz they might think I am stupid or something. What is your opinion?