This morning went fine. I ate a chili cheese dog from Sonic. Then I took my first walk of the year. I went to see my primary. In the elevator some guy was being a bit weird and he said to me “can you believe it man?” So I felt good because I felt like I was passing as a guy. But he was weird in the office and didn’t understand if it was 6 feet and a mask or just one or the other. And then he said “I gotta step out and take a breath.” So then he went out and I got called into the office. And my primary was nice and I told him about the PMS being the main issue I think and he said I’d need to go to one of the bigger fancier hospitals in order to get the kind of stuff I’m looking for. My gynecologist told me the same thing although she was *****y about it. My mom doesn’t want to be driving that far when we move and I don’t feel like arguing with her about it. I’ll ask my therapist what she thinks. Then the nurse did an EKG because of my high pulse. It was awkward because I feel like my chest looks really off from my surgery. And she asked when I had it done and I told her and then we talked about it but she said it’s mainly the scaring that’s the issue. But then I had to take a 6 minute walk around the office with the pulse thing on my finger and that was awkward because I had deodorant all over the front of my shirt. And that guy was in the office checking out when I was walking around. But the EKG and walking thing were ok. I left with the name of a doctor who does the work I’m looking for and some lab work I’ll get done at the same time as my kidney blood work since I didn’t fast this morning.

But I see my surgeon later this afternoon and I’m honestly really nervous. I want him to fix my chest and I hope he is willing to help me out. He said he would when I saw him in January but I don’t know if he’s still thinking about it.

Every single doctors appointment I’ve had this year has backfired on me. I’ve either been told it’s just anxiety or stress or a med reaction or I’ve been given a referral to a hospital that’s too far away.