i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters about this being related to your self-esteem perhaps. i can relate to what you write because i also used to be shy and still am actually. i'd suggest to try to work on that, perhaps even consulting a therapist. What about a school counselor? Please do not do anything dangerous and/or harmful to yourself or others. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Steelhit, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!