I am feeling increasingly agitated and bored. I am basically in the process of moving but there's a storm coming of course so we have to wait until the weather calms down. I have been depressed since I was 12. Every day. Does anyone else deal with chronic depression instead of episodic?

My psychiatrist tells me Xanax can cause or worsen depression and I'm beginning to wonder if I haven't gotten better because it's made me more depressed. It doesn't seem like it has, but I guess it's a possibility to consider. I have tried so many things. Therapy, medications, even Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation for supposed Treatment Resistant Depression, but is it really? Nothing has helped much.

I deal with crippling anhedonia - lack of pleasure from anything - and everything just feels pointless. On top of that I complicate it with drinking alcohol, not enough to get intoxicated, but enough that it probably impacts my mood too. I don't need to be told that stopping would benefit me because I know. But I could really use someone to listen to me. Before I tried medication or had begun self medicating, I was already this depressed. But I remember that I was at least interested in music. Now, it's mostly just noise... I do little things like wash the dishes or exercise for 5 minutes which gives me a tiny bit of a dopamine release but it doesn't last long.

I lack true meaning in my life, unable to hold a job due to my agoraphobia and social anxiety and depression. I have a husband who is wonderful but I feel like it's a struggle to maintain passion as we have settled into comfort if that makes sense. Basically I was raised to believe that I am helpless and the world is overwhelming, but I don't want to go into that in any detail. If you have read this far, thanks so much. Like I said, just need to talk and be heard, not looking necessarily for advice or a lecture but feel free to give me any tips you have. I would really appreciate it if anyone could relate. Thank you for being here.