i don't have a lot of advice but i think you're far from being the only one whom has struggles or is struggling with similar things. In fact i don't think it's unlikely that many of the people whom are famous now and that you admire and/or are enviour of had to put up with similar expectations. i'd suggest to work with a therapist if you feel like he/she may be useful to work on this. You have every right to be successful in a creative career as much as anyone else and it would be a shame to throw away your chance. These are just my thoughts. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @What_the_hell, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!