I keep telling myself its ok to just do nothing and i worked very hard when i was able to, but since i have been pensioned off i find i am doing a ton of nothing and i keep wanting to go join organisations and do things but when i am able to mentally i dont have the money.

I think my thinking of seeing exT wife is just another way to try to get close to him again triggered by the 2nd anniversary coming up next week and the meeting him and talking which has confused me no end because he made it plain that we cant communicate ever again in the letter after my termination. But thinking back it seems like every time i was able to stand up a little in therapy he pulled the rug from underneath my feet.