Well, based on my family, it's a generational thing. There are two Grandfathers in my family. On my mom's side, he was an abusive alcoholic, and screwed everything up for his kids & their kids by being horribly abusive. They all ended up with either victim or abuser behaviors. Lots of substance abuse, lots and lots of toxicity and ugliness, and it all came from that one man. On my dad's side, he was a Nazi sympathizer, hated pretty much everyone but himself, and believed in some really unhealthy child-rearing practices. And his wife (my grandmother) was a raging alcoholic. So that's what happened in *my* family. I think every toxic family has a source or two. Someone who did the damage to a bunch of people, and it just gets passed down. I'm the only one of my whole extended family who seeks help or even sees anything wrong..