OK, another example with my current therapist, with something that led to a rupture a couple years ago. So, normally, he'd end session with me paying while he sat at his computer to do the payment (credit card), then he'd shake my hand goodbye while still sitting down, and I'd open the door and let myself out, him still sitting. This had bothered me for a while (his continuing to sit), and I finally brought it up.


Well, it was a mess, with him saying no but not giving a reason. Between the session and an email exchange afterward, it was him saying things like, "I don't want to have to sit down, then stand up, then sit back down again" and I have no desire to have my behavior micromanaged" and that he didn't owe me an explanation, though he did say it didn't have anything to do with me.

I forget how long it took for him to share what was actually going on, probably a few weeks, maybe longer. But he eventually said it was because he'd hurt his back before, and the way his desk chair is (wasn't on wheels), he'd have to push it back out, which hurt his back. So much drama could have been avoided had he simply said that initially when I asked him about the standing. I would have just been like, "OK!"

Around the time of that second conversation, we switched to my paying at the beginning, then at the end, his standing up, opening the door, then shaking my hand, while still standing. It also could have been a solution we could have come up with earlier, had he just been open about it (he stayed standing while running my card when he did that at the beginning).

He's become considerably more open and willing to self-diclose since the start of the pandemic, so I suspect that if a similar conflict were to occur now (once we're back in the office), he would just be honest with me about the reason.