Hi @TunedOut,
thanks for sharing! I can relate: Any diagnosis can help as much as hinder us. It can be a relieve, as in I really have issues and I am not imaganing... It can free us somewhat. It can help our family and friend to understand us in someway. But it can also feel like a container. People put you in and dont let you out.
I was diagnoses with Borderline, although the diagnosis changed later, I remember moments when I felt my boyfriend was beeing extra calm in a fight and cept telling how he was affraid I was gonna hit him, although nothing of the sort ever happend.
I can relate that it can feel like a provocation when a spouse refers to you medication or diagnosis.
Can you talk to him? Ask why he behaves this why? And tell him how you feel about it?