I’ve been fortunate to resume face to face sessions at the start of the year. It came as a surprise to me, because I really didn’t expect to be in T’s office until spring (at least!). It almost felt like a switch....in the last year I kept asking when he thought he’d be able to resume f2f sessions and he always said he wasn’t sure, that it depended on the numbers etc etc. And then, just like that, he changed his mind and we’ve now been doing f2f sessions for almost two months.

It’s been a bit strange getting used to being in the same room as him. For starters, he’s a lot further away from me than he was on Zoom. When the internet connection was good, I could almost see the pores in his skin. Now, I just see his features. So although I’m thankful to see him properly at last, I do miss the virtual physical closeness. I also miss the excitement of seeing inside his house.

For the first couple of sessions since we resumed f2f, I was too giddy and self conscious to do any actual work. It was a very childish mindset, where I kept repeating “I can’t believe this is happening” over and over again (in my mind). But now we’ve fallen back into our pre-pandemic routine and it almost feels like I forgot how much more intimate I find in person sessions.

I don’t think he sees most of his clients in person...maybe even just me and one other patient. I think a lot of...less attached patients are still doing virtual sessions. And thankfully we don’t wear masks. It feels like we’ve just gone back in time to pre-pandemic times. I’m thankful for the normalcy of it. I’m also thankful that there has been no change in the intimacy we seem to have gained since the pandemic started. It’s still there, whether he’s on screen or in the same room as me. I worried at first, thinking that the sessions will be colder, more distant somehow, but this has not been the case.

I hope you all get to see your Ts in person soon!