I kind of want to go inpatient right now. But I think I just want to go to avoid the stuff that’s going on in my life. The move mainly. Also my new T. This happened last time a few days before I first met her. I got legit roid rage from so much stress and I threw a glass at the wall and then I yanked off my shirt which was covered in water and I layed down and I was breathing so hard my chest was heaving. And that is when I felt like a legit angry dude. And all I could think of was “I am a man.”

I just feel like going IP and then when I get out it will almost be time to move. These days are just dragging on. I am not S or thinking of SH and I have no urges. I just feel off. So I wouldn’t actually be admitted. Probably get sent back to IOP though. I think I just want to avoid my real life.

My 6 year anniversary out of the hospital is on the 17th. Maybe I’m thinking of that as well. I’ve only gone 3 times in 12 years. I’ve had a **** ton of close encounters especially in 2020.