yes, everyone is right.

it is hard to stay in a bad relationship, and hard to leave.

if one is into not leaving right away (while saving money and making plans for a happier life down the road if it gets worse or just plain stays the same)...there is always 'couple counselling'.

what has anyone got to lose?

put it to him like that, and there is a better chance he'll go than if putting all your eggs into 'the counselling' and what the counsellor said.

truth is, what do you have to lose?

deep down we know when we aren't loved, that's a reality many don't want to face because of kids, whatever.

so women are conflicted. it takes away energy, focus, and living in the moment, where happiness happens.

it's sad. we came (most of us) from a world where couples stayed together for life, or are expected to, for one thing.
nobody was prepared for cheating spouses, internet affairs, slackers, and deep routed contempt for women, in general, that many of us see or have personally experienced in a relationship.

long story short, we are still responsible for our own happiness, especially since the culture has changed, and men and women have issues that still go unaddressed.

we find ourselves in unfullfilling relationships, after having put all our 'happy' feeling eggs in one basket ... and it's not fair to a guy either, that part.
we are all individuals, responsible only to share happiness with another, but not create the happiness inside of others ... and because we may feel compelled to do that, we feel cheated when our mate doesn't create our happiness for us, instead of creating our own happy medium.

like, if we knew enough about ourselves when we met our mates, we might also be able to recognize in them, certain character and personality flaws that would be problematic for us - and might not have picked them for more than a few dates, you know?

some guys are great to date and not to mate!
(same can be said of women, yes, yes, yes)

so, knowing what we are getting into, and being selective in what we will handle, helps in our selection process. increases chances for a better outcome.

when we have even done all of that, things could develop, unexpected, and we are in marriage hell, no different than if we carelessly went with our feelings, not using our heads, and sealed the deal with the worst guy on earth for us, as an individual. (like a drug addiction to rx pills develops, alcoholics, a late developing mental illness we could not handle that an unforseen life circumstance brought about, etc., you get the picture)

my advice to myself, and opinions are just that -mine. this is currently how I'm thinking. lol. hope i'm not too far off. yikes, this is scary writing your thoughts! what if I'm so very wrong? gulp ... big gulp.

always have a plan.
plan a - to be happy with what you have. make lemonade out of lemons, blah blah.

plan b - plan a is driving you nuts, so make a plan for getting out and on your own, save money (hide it away) keep these things to yourself - update education, whatever it takes, while in the bad situation, filling time to make a healthy break for yourself.

nobody owes you a living, or a life. only we can supply these things.
lucky in love, I think, means lucky in love with myself enough to meet my match, who also is lucky in love with himself, and when we are together - that magic happens - we get to share authentic love, not some hard worked over fantasy or desperate dying wilting fragments of love for others without regard for ourselves.

self love, peace and unity,
nightbird <font color="#000088"> </font>