I kinda had a meltdown this afternoon. First I had a lot of caffeine. For no reason. Then this cleaning lady came and she didn’t really do a good job. I felt like she was a fraud and it kind of freaked me out. Plus she was using this cleaner that smelled like mustard. She didn’t come in a company car. My mom heard about her from my aunt. But she left all kinds of spots and dust everywhere. I don’t know. It just freaked me out that we had a fraud in our house. Then I tried going to 5 Below. And that freaked me out because of the crowds and people laughing at stuff probably not related to me. I drove by my Old T’s office and everytime I drive by which is fairly frequently I get a gut wrenching feeling in my stomach. And I finally told my mom that I was upset by the cleaning lady, I was unsure about my new therapist and the move, and passing by my old T’s office got me upset. I actually felt quite better the minute I spilled my guts about what was wrong. I’m having trouble with my memory I think from long term Xanax use. And I’m worried I will completely forget about my old T. I can only go back 5 thousand posts on this site and I have almost 20 thousand. I have a lot of stuff posted about old T. I am mad I never saved any of our emails. But I’m just worried new T will be like the cleaning lady. They are the same age and I worry new T will be forgetful and not do a good job working with me.
I know it’s all goofy stuff I’m worried about, but it just really freaked me out today. I took 3 mil of Xanax.
My books will be ready at the library tomorrow and I’m hoping that will take the edge off of things for awhile. Reading has been my escape since I was 7.
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"Good morning starshine.... the earth says hello"- Willy Wonka
Last edited by Mountaindewed; Mar 17, 2021 at 03:01 PM.
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