Quote:
Originally Posted by jai-jai
I appreciate your support, I really do. I think I've realised, as of today, that I've had a past trauma reappear in my life, just through flashbacks and its been causing me to be unsettled, in ways I wasn't aware of until now. But I do think its just the day of the week sometimes.
My Dr. has put me on trazodone, to help with the sleeping, so we'll see how that goes. Last night wasn't great.
The coping mechanisms sounds good! It sounds like you're doing pretty well. I've recently picked back up my guitar, so hoping that helps, and I've reached out to a friend, but that was HARD, and I know i've got a way to go with them before I'm totally comfortable sharing.
I the emptiness and coldness comes from a space of just feeling undeserved of the feelings, like I 'should' be able to deal with this, i've done therapy before, I can use some of the tools that helped before, but I feel like i'm in a different space this time, and it feels harder, as a functioning adult, to admit I need help and support. I love that you write to a child in Ethiopia, I've gone back to journaling to get my thoughts out my head. This has been of use to me.
Thank you my friend! Take care  |
Hi jai-jai!
I haven't been on trazodone so I have no real experience with it. My pdoc gave me Lunesta to sleep and it's pretty good but sometimes I wake up at like 1 or 2 and can't get back to sleep so I guess it wears off. I usually take it with a couple of xanax so that doesn't happen. Even though taking xanax all the time is bad for you. But yeah, so is no sleep! So it's a matter of what's worse? My pdoc knows I take the xanax with it. He's the one who suggested it.
I'm sorry about the flashbacks. That sucks. I get flashbacks about the hospital. That was pretty traumatic for me. But I don't have abuse flashbacks. I can only fathom what that is like to endure. HUGS if okay. It's good you were able to pinpoint this. Maybe something in your day to day life is triggering your flashbacks? Even just like in your environment? I know. They seem to come out of nowhere. But if you were magically able to figure out the trigger that might be so helpful!
That definitely makes sense that you would feel unsettled. That's also a tough position to be in. Sort of the in-between! I find being unsettled uncomfortable and will try to do just about anything to feel settled again. Hence a lot of my SH. But since I'm not doing that anymore it seems, I've had to come up with other ways to deal with feeling unsettled. Sometimes I just have to accept that it is how I feel and that it will change and sit with the feelings. It sucks. It totally does. Because I want it to change and I want it to change NOW but I have found that if I sit with it long enough, it does change. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse.
Good for you for reaching out to a friend, and picking up the guitar, and writing in your journal! These are great coping mechanisms. I know it is scary talking to a friend and that there definitely needs to be trust built up before you can lay bare your soul to another person. But even if you have a friend where you can be like, hey, having a hard time, do you want to do x, y, z (hang out, text, talk on the phone, whatever) it can help. I'm proud of you!
"Shoulds" are hard. Yeah, I know. I do that too. I should be able to cope. I should be able to do this. Still it's okay even as an adult to need help. Would you feel the same way you think if it were a physical need? Say diabetes? Would you feel bad for needing help? That always helps me put things into perspective. Just because it is mental or emotional or psychological or whatever, does not mean I am any less or that I am deserving of anything less. Maybe keep that in your back pocket and pull it out as needed.
Hope you are doing a bit better. HUGS
Kit