I am what I call a "recovering" anorexic (it's been 15 years). Back when I was really sick, I was proud of having a 21" waist, and not eating anything for weeks. It was only when I got "tired of being tired" that I realized I had to step back and examine my behavior.

We hurt ourselves through food (eating or not eating) because we feel out of control of our lives. I could only stop my bad behavior when I faced the things that made me feel out of control. Like you, it was mostly painful relationships, most with my family. So, in order to finally feel like I had some control, I "had it out" with them and told them how I felt about everything, from childhood until adulthood. Some relationships grew stronger, some didn't change, but I did. I felt for the first time that I took control of the one thing I could...myself.

Tell your son how you feel, I think you might be surprised by his reaction. I don't think most children try to deliberately disappoint their parents, or hurt them. And yes, males do grow up differently than we do, but I think if you make your feelings known, your son's compassion will show.

Please, stop hurting yourself. Food can be as lethal as picking up a gun.