geekgirl.....

I am so sorry that you are going through such a hard time now. PLEASE do not take what your ex said about you personally. When a relationship breaks up your significant other is likely to say things about you that are very unkind, even if deep down inside they really care about you. It is just part of the ugliness of relationship break up. I can remember my ex wife telling me..."Why would I want to be with you any way... you have a huge forehead, a bald spot and a big gap in your teeth"....

It is incredible how significant otehrs can do things or say things about you that are so incredibly hurtful. My now ex girlfriend has taken little pieces of information and let her imagination go wild. She has accused me of infidelity in the worst way. I had shared with you before that I did have an interest in sexual fantasy, but it was just that ... fantasy. I have always had a very active imagination...... and I think like many guys (although most wouldn't admit it) use these fantasies on occasion. My ex girlfriend has taken this lttle tid bits of information to assume I am a sex addict. She has even told 4 people abou it. And 2 of those people work at my place of business. You know how it goes, you tell 4 peeople, its a nice juicy story so they tell 4 people and before you know it everyone knows.

I think that significant others do these kinds of things to protect themselves. If they make you out to be something undesirable or evil it somehow rationalizes to them that the breakup is a good thing. Unfortunately in so doing it can be extremely damaging. So pleae consider the source and brush it off. Admittedly I am trying to do that but it is just not that easy for me. I am scared to death that these rumors are going to go through my place of busines like wild fire and that my job is at risk. So, it wasn't bad enough that I am grieving a relationship I have to deal with that worry as well. Things probably couldn't get much worse for me than they are right now. Like you I have gone through all the thinking and planning on how my family would be better off without me. Kids wouldn't have to shuttle between mom's house and mine, and my retirement savings would cover their expenses until they were grown and on their own. Many here have suggested that I should build my life around myself as I had built my life around her. Thats fine in theory. The problem is that I love being with her. I miss having her to talk to and share my life with. I am deeply hurt that she thought these things of me, but I understnad that it was probably a defense mechanism. I don't want to be on my own. I want to be with her. And I know all the platitudes about how you need to be there for your kids, that I have worth as a person without her in my life, etc., etc., etc. But, people are social beings they are meant to interact, to have human touch, to love, to share. And it is so very hard to find that special someone, especially at nearly 50 years ofage. So when you do find that it is indeed a blessing.

I just can't take this nonsense any longer. It seems that no matter what I do I wind up with my life in chaos.

Sorry for being so long winded here, I guess the bottom line is that significant others do these things to protect themsleves without any regard for how it is going to affect us. I wish you well geekgirl, I really do. You have impressed me with your insight and your words which are very heart felt and genuine.

For me I am going to find peace once and for all. Up until this latest fiasco I was pretty ambivalent on how to go about achieving that peace. Now it all seems very clear to me.