I think it's hard when friends have different communication frequency preferences. I have a friend I like a lot, but she often takes months to respond to messages. It feels personal, but it's the way she is. I have another friend who replies to messages so quickly that I feel like I can't keep up and I hope she isn't offended when I take a day or two to get back to her sometimes. What you described didn't sound particularly manipulative to me - the civil, cool messages are because you are hurt and a bit angry, not because you are trying to get her to respond in a particular way (I think?).