Today is the lowest I've felt. I've probably been lower, but those were different times, and I was a different me.
Today I am at the lowest I've felt.
I am very scared and preparing for if I feel worse. Reaching out to as many groups, doctors, chats, therapists as I can, because I am scared it will get worse. I'm angry because I was dealing with so much, and more keeps piling on, and I don't have the time/space/energy to keep dealing with it, and thus I am at my lowest. I need help and support and I'm scared I won't have it when I need it. I'm scared of the end of the call or the end of the chat, when those anxious feelings start again, without words in my head, just uncontrollable subconscious knowing I'm either in danger or will be again soon. I'm crying because the more I prepare, the more I try, the more help I ask, the worse the world treats us and takes any steps we made away. I'm scared because I used to say, if I can make it through this week. Now it's, can I make it through to tomorrow.