So I'm scizoaffective bipolar type. I've been medicated for about 5 years and had my first major episode about ten years ago.

I've been in the hospital many times. Especially over the last few years. My most major episode ever i had to be hospitalized for over a week because I had attacked my wife, my father, and tried to physically escape from a general hospital and they had to strap me down and inject me with loads of Ativan to get e to calm down.

So why am I here? I see so many success stories here that it made me wonder... are there people like me? I've been on every antipsychotic under the sun and my current medication Latuda had the best results. While in multiple pospitals they tried all different kinds of techniques to calm me down or to treat me with medicine and other ways.

They don't work. Not because I'm not trying or because I'm being resistant to therapy. It just plain doesn't work.

The only way they've found out how to treat a psychotic episode was to either strap me down or load me up I'm Ativan.

I'm megally worried about one day never getting to see my wife or my family again except through pane glass (being hospitalized forever)

I keep telling myself God wouldn't let that happen but... this has happened so why wouldn't that?

Am I alone? I've gotten used to having episodes all the time I just... want to know if I'm alone. Everyone here seems to be good or better at least... so I'm assuming I am alone. Sorry for intruding here but, hi anyway,