Quote:
Originally Posted by Yourself
It’s a tough spot to be in for sure, we are on speaking terms and so want to figure something out. We still love each other, as much as we can right now anyway, and want to work out something at the very least. But the guy that got her pregnant is not an great guy and definitely won’t be leaving her alone ever and will probably make life harder for no real reason. She says she doesn’t want his baby but she does want a baby, and she is worried that aborting this one due to health problems she won’t ever get another chance... also I’m unable as well so this really is the only way we were ever going to have a family but I don’t know if this will be worth the heart break and soul crushing realizations....
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Why is this your only option for a baby? You can adopt, foster, artificial inseminate... do not enter into a marriage without a great deal of self examination on all topics, but this one first and foremost. You say he’s a bad guy. Do you want to be attached to that forever? What if he does stick around the baby and when he has it fills the child’s head with lies and tears you down? Will you ever trust your wife to not cheat again, or even not cheat with the man she shares the child with? You also have to be real with yourself. Will you not only hold animosity against her or even worse the child to some degree?
Obviously the only one who can decide is you, and I do believe sometimes something good can come from absolute garbage. That being said I am a year and 4 months out of finding out my wife of 23 years and mother to my 4 kids had a 18-19 month affair that was off and on with a guy who we have since discovered is the worst of the worst as a human being (and I am not saying this loosely). I love her more than anyone in this world and still fight with myself inside about divorcing everyday. Intimacy for me has died. Even kissing at times when it happens I pull back and get disgusted. Honestly if I was in your shoes I’d thank God I wasn’t married to her already and I’d wish her well as genuinely and kindly as possible and go heal without dating anyone else until you are physically, spiritually and mentally solid. I hope you find your answer and heal either way and live a life of happiness.