i can relate to what you're saying as i often feel like a fraud in my online circles as well. Please do not be hard on yourself as it is clear that you're struggling and you shouldn't blame yourself for that in my opinion. i Apologize in that i don't quite remember clearly if you're currently seeing any therapist although i suppose you don't but perhaps that may be useful to you if you can afford it of course. Please do not give up. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Michael2Wolves, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!